...Where The Rain Never Falls...

So..about that postman...

2011-10-06T09:09:00.002+01:00

Oh yes...
The Postman...
Why can't they all be like Pat?
Would be sooo much simpler if they were!

Google

Have you ever had a knock on the door, or a doorbell ring early in the morning? You've just had your tea, you're maybe upstairs in the bathroom getting ready for the day...
And then there's a "knock..and a ring" or just a knock.
You panic! OMG!

Your either not dressed properly, aka. Your missing undies, a shirt or maybe just your trousers, so your franticly trying to find it in the "mess" around you.
You ofc call down " JUST A MINUTE!" and you trust he heard you, but suddenly you see him slip the collection note in your post gap....NOOOOOOO....

You rush on your trousers, all most fall down the stairs running from the door, while you see he's shadow slowly disappearing from the door, getting smaller and smaller....

You rip open the door....and he's gone...all you see is the dimming tail lights as he turns the corner...
There he went...and with it your packet!

Isn't that annoying? How they just give you tops 10 sec to answer the door?
And sometimes you have people who pretty much do the "knock and walk" approach.
It's like they walk...while they knock. They knock, as they PASS your house.
They don't stop outside your door. They just ever so slightly let their wrist flick and a knuckle meet your door as they pass. It takes you 5sec to reach the door, but already they have made it out of your driveway and are about to go down the street or about to get in their car.
Now THAT is also very annoying.
And then the ever so surprised look they have on their face that you were home...

That really really annoys me...
SO that's when it's lovely that you can just phone the service up again, and plead for them to let the delivery-person know that you ARE in fact home. You just didn't make it to the door...

And So It Happened

2011-09-25T16:40:00.001+01:00

New look for the blog!
Took me a little bit of time to get it all right, but so far I'm happy with the result! =D

I've been in hibernation for quite some time now, so it's time to get back into it!
Expect a lot of fcked up stuff and pictures. haha
As I've decided to make it a very humorous blog as well as a "thoughts" blog. C',

So Until I find something funny and awesome...

See ya later!

Update incoming and some changes to the blog!

2010-11-26T15:34:00.001Z

Ok, so it's been forever since I've updated! And that's bad, but now it's time for a very good update spree! :)
Så stay tuned! Major changes incoming! hehe

Lots and lots and lots of stuff happening!

2010-07-05T02:55:00.000+01:00

And I will write all about it later on today, because now I better head to bed...
I'm falling apart, my head hurts and I'm hungry...but tomorrow brings better things, and now it's only 3 days until Stephen comes to see me. God I miss him so much. :'(
But it wont be long now...I'm crossing my fingers like crazy that we'll get the "dream house" we're searching for now. So far we've been very unlucky. :(
Time is running out....
These past few days have been hell... I don't feel well at all, I'm so tiered and in desperate need of a good nights rest, but I keep getting woken up. The dog keeps jumping into bed etc, making my rest uneasy. :(
But it wont be long now. Soon Stephen is here, and all will be better! :)
At least for the six days he's staying here. It's going to be a stressful six days, but we'll handle it fine. :)
I just hope I wont be so sick when he come here....

Now I'm off to bed again to try and get some sleep... <3

Finally some good news!!

2010-03-30T18:00:00.000+01:00

Oh god...so long since I've posted anything. lawl...
Sorry about that, stuff has been a little hectic. =)

Well on to the important stuff hehe.

STEPHEN IS COMING HOME!!

After 6 weeks apart, he's finally planting he's butt where he belongs...here...with me.
It's going to be awesome and great!
I miss him so much...<3

It's going to be a fun family Easter. :)
I guess now we get to "try out" our family as I have my son here with me, and this is the first time they meet. :D
So it's going to be exiting seeing how they get along, I ofc think they will be fine!
I don't think language will be a problem at all, Zacharias is a quick learner. ^^
He's out of he's skin exited about Stephen's visit and has declared that *he* is sleeping in my bed, and Stephen can get *he's* bedroom. lol...

We've got all sorts of stuff planned with the little man (Zach).
Stephen is even so worried that he wont like him, the kid that is, that he's bought him way to much. lol
But..it's the first visit, so I guess that is ok. ;)
Have to be allowed to spoil the little man on he's first visit. hehe

Finally the wait is over. :)

Also Stephen bought me a new pc!! That I will ofc. pay him back for! BUT still!!
I can't believe I have such a wonderful man. :)
He amazes me every day.
I was shocked speechless and even cried a few tears because he did that, I just couldn't believe my ears when he told me he had done it.... =D
My old one was destroyed and the one I'm currently on is an old laptop. :S
And I can't play wow on it really cuz I keep having major FPS problems.
But then the RAM on my new pc was busted, so now my darling has bought me new ram, so he's fixing it up when he comes here tomorrow night. lol...the first thing he wants to do when he comes through my bedroom door is fix my pc...lol..should I be worried? =P

So now I'm really really happy....sigh...*dreaming*

...You know that you are in love...when the hardest thing to do...is say good bye...

2010-01-28T07:13:00.000Z

Never has truer words been spoken....
I'm sitting here now...it's almost 8am, I've got a job interview at 11am, and I haven't slept at all this night...
You might ask why?
Well... I've been having so many dreams... some are good, some are strange...but sadly recently and especially tonight, they were of the bad sort... :(
That on top of the dam dog making a dam fuzz all night didn't help either...sigh...

And I miss Stephen.... :`(
A lot... no, more then a lot.. I feel empty without him.
Like a huge part of me is missing...and the only thing that makes it go away is his presence.
He's arms around me..sleeping next to me... but not yet...
I know I'm selfish..to want so much... but I can't help it.
He was just here, not long ago, in fact I even got him here twice this month, which is more then anyone could ask for in a long distance relationship, but.... I miss him so much!
And I love him so dam much it's both scary and wonderful at the same time!
I want *everything* with him! He's *the* one!
But I have to have patients... We have atm some "complications" if you will... they lay heavy on my shoulders, and he's..but I know that in the end, the wait and patients will be worth it...

Because I love him more then I have ever loved anyone else...and I miss him more then I have ever missed anyone else...apart from my son ofc. :)

My son... it's been weeks since I've spoken to him...
And that makes me sad... sometimes I wonder if I'm a good mother...
It's not that I mean for it to go so long between visits and words... but my phone is disconnected so I can't use my own..and money is an issue atm so I don't know if I will see him next month either... sigh... :`(
I should be able to put the sadness aside and ring him more often... but every time I hear he's voice..sees him on video... it breakes my heart...and I feel like I've failed him.
Like my mother said... you don't leave your children behind...
But at the time I *know* I did the right thing... it's just that what was suppose to only be a 6mnd temp. solution.. turned into almost two years now... Two years now in May...
Time moves quickly...
And he's growing up so fast...and I feel like I've missed half of it...
He's father never tells me anything...never keeps me up to date on anything....
We never speak...apart from when we have to...
It's unfair..because I *know* I can give him so much better then he's father can... I *have* time for him.. I have everything planned out for him... but he's father doesn't want to be reasoned with...
Yet he's work schedule doesn't make him able to take care of Zacharias alone.. so he's depending on others... Sending him off for one night here, and one night there... while he has to go to work.. because he doesn't work only days as would be normal when you have a small child..
He works nights and weekends aswell...
Yet he claims to be the better parent...
And he still fight's to have him..but for the wrong reasons...
He only wants it so that we are equal...
There has to be 50/50 with J... or nothing...
He claims that I have no more claim on the child then he has.. but Zach is not a toy... he's not something you claim... he's a small boy.. and he needs he's mum....
No matter what anyone says... you can never imagine the same bond as what a mother has to her child...
A father can be the best of all fathers... but the mother... there is a special bond between mother and child.. made from birth...and even before hand... he knew my voice before anyone else... he knew my touch and my smell... I was the first person he saw when he was born...
A bond like that can never be broken... or replaced... no one will ever love him as I do... no one has ever loved him as I do...
When he's tiny cries sounded during the night, it was I who fed him...sang to him... and lulled him back to sleep... it was my face he saw as I nursed him..my eyes he held as he drank.
It was my smell he longed for when we came home from the hospital... so I took my pillowcase and I rested it next to him where he lay in he's crib...and he fell asleep...
And it was I who woke when he cried...

All these things and so much more....
But we can't have the world...

I love you both...more then you will ever know...

“Jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey but also its own raging heart”

2010-01-20T06:07:00.000Z

...That is how it feels...

I once told a person that I would never get jealous... That with me, he wouldn't have such a problem... it did not exist in my.."inventory"...

...I was wrong....

And for that I am ashamed.

Not jealous or fearful like someone would steal him away from me...
For that I know would never happen.
He loves me..and I love him... more then anything.
But jealous, because with them..he has something I can't have...
...with them and her...
I am jealous..not because of *what* they do...
But because I can have no part in it..
Because *They* have something I don't...
Because with them....it's...OK....

I tried long to let it go...
I fought hard against my demons...but I lost...
I am jealous...because to the world...I do not exist...

It's complicated...

Who would know to look behind the lines...?
I stare at it every day...hoping that *Today*...today it changes...
But I am still looking...
And it has not yet changed...

I read the wall every day...
Every day there is more.. more laughter...
And I envy them...
I envy them their freedom...
Freedom to speak openly...and laugh...

He is happy then...
Who am I to change that?
Who *am* I?

To the world I do not exist...
It's complicated...
Your little friend...

Hundreds of words every day...
And every day it hurts just a little more...
Because at those moments..those days...
I am alone...and I feel lonely..
And I fight...
And I bite..

But I never stop loving...
I never stop wanting...
And it scares me...

Because... *who* am I...?
To the world I do not exist...

So I am jealous..
I envy those that *do* exist...
Who *are* allowed...

And I am ashamed...
Because it's not my place...

I can wait...
Because I love...
More then anything..

...I love you...

“And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not...”
-William Shakespeare-

Uptimes and Downtimes makes our life go round and round...

2010-01-16T15:19:00.000Z

Yep..that pretty much puts the words on how it's been these last couple of days since my last entry. :)

I've come to think about myself a little...a little look into how my mind works...and guess what??

I'm more whacked up then I first thought...sigh...lol
No seriously, I'm completely fucked up at times... I'm so damaged up there at times I find it hard to even understand why or even *how* someone is capable of loving me!!... :S

We all have our problems... some think too much..some panic too much..and then there's those who have all of the above, but also other things...
We all live our life with experiences from the past stuck some dark place in our mind, and that sneaks up on us when we least want it..
I thought I didn't have that...or rather that I was past that... but now that I think about it, I have come to understand that I'm really really not...

Well to understand better maybe I should take you through a trip in my brain..meet the spooks and the dust sort of... :D

I was finally born on an autumn night of 1985, at the hospital, after putting my mother through hell...no really.
She was in labour for 4 days give or take.. I just didn't want to come out.
The process of giving birth, having done so myself, takes for first mothers in Norway, around 10-16h.
Statistically.....
Mine lasted 11h... but unlike my mother, I was pretty much only in pain on *two* occasions..

1. When I came in, my contractions were not textbook, they were a surprisingly 5min apart right from the start... and quite strong.

2. When the evil "push" contractions set in. Because that they can't sedate.

From what I've been told by my mother, though she doesn't like to talk about her birth with me, but she was overdue with me, about 3 weeks time, so they had to start the birth at the hospital, because I just didn't want to come out by myself..
This didn't go quite as planned and she was stuck at the hospital in pain, because not much seemed to work, in a birth that took almost 4 days. In the end she was so tiered, and I was so tiered, that they had to drag me out by force...
I was a very large baby, messuring 51cm long, and 4550g...on photos of me and another girl born on the same day as me, I look like a 3 month old baby...
The whole process of getting me out so to speak, was very traumatizing for my mother, and my father.
A lot of mothers never have more then one child because of it, and some, like in my mother and father's life, it took 7 years before my two brothers were born.

Not that I ever felt unwanted, or not loved... but my upbringing was quite different than that of my two brothers. They are twins, and born in -92.
From what I've been told I was not a very good baby... I pretty much never slept, and even as I grew and at the age of four, I would still wake before the birds...lol...
I used to then put on my wellingtons and go outside to the playground.
Then the nabour would phone my parents up, and tell them their little girl was on the swings again...
For years this has been one of the family "jokes" when talking about how differcault I was as a child.
Because that I was...differcault. I was stubborn, a hard nail, but occasionally very sweet, it's just that my parents seem stuck on the negative when it comes to me...

Moving on through the years I grew, as we normally do, and this is when my father and mother and their manner of discipline comes in... I've talked with my father about this, last time I was home and had a "mental breakdown" because I think there's something wrong with me, and he doesn't remember much from when I was growing up. At least that's what he told me. Though he remembers quite a lot of my two brothers.

It's not easy being the first and oldest child..anyone can tell you that, because we are sort of the "test" object to our parents. When our siblings come along, they sort of gave up on a lot of things, and I'm sure many of you can look back and think that..."that's not how I was brought up", or "if *I* had done that growing up, my dad would have killed me". Any of that sound familiar?
It is to me...*alot*..
I was never abused, or beat up in those terms by my parents, but they did smack me, verbally put me down, and ever so often it did feel like a good beating.
For example my dad has a temper...
When I was growing up, if I talked back, I would get a smack at the back of the head or near my ears.
I remember it not really *hurting* so much, but it made me jump like hell...
Verbally my mother has been the worst I think, my dad has always been more with the smacking, though she did as well, but she...she had it on her toung...

I had my first relationship at the age of 14, with a man 6 years my senior. And to this day, that relationship still makes my back hairs stick out...
He was good to me, in he's way at the start.. I'll give him that, but he seeked to control and show me off to he's friends...
At the time I was quite active and happy, I had lots of friends and I played football (soccer).
I was athletic and sexy and had the biggest boobs of all the girls... but I was never pretty.
As I said I played soccer when I met my first bf, but after a few months, an old injury in my right knee doomed me to play more, and I was told by the orthopaedic that if I didn't put my shoes in the closet so to speak, I would have to undergo surgery next time...
So that's what I did. I quite football, and then the thing that's actually bothered me more then anything happened....

I gained weight...

My bf had a very unhealthy food intake. There was loads of candy, soda, and other unhealthy foods, but as long as I was active and played football, I didn't put on a single pound.
When I quit however, I did...
Thing with him was that he was so into the whole body thing... he wanted girls who looked like supermodels, that's what he sees as normal and sexy.
No one wants girls who are fat and ugly.
At least that's what I was told for years.
He wasn't the only one going on about my weight.. my remaining friends...my family...they *all* had a problem with my weight gain...
Not that it was "a lot" at first it was just 10kg! That you didn't even see! I put on 10kg and I still fit all my clothes etc, on pictures it didn't show... but he noticed.... and so did my mother...
The next 3 years was spent eating, starving, and puking...
I developed all 3 of the eating disorders, but my family refused to realise it... I didn't need help in their eyes, I was just acting up, what would people say? Get your act together! I got a call from your teacher today, what is this your saying to her?! That your having a hard time?! What sort of mother must they think you have?! You get your act together and you stop this nonsense.....

That's how it was... I had a big problem..but it was treated as nothing.
When my first bf broke up with me, because I was too fat for him, I was hurting him if I sat on he's lap, he couldn't fit in the bed, he didn't want me to come with him to see friends... etc... the list goes on about he's excuses and words of "wisdom".

Then I met a new person, whom I today have a son with. Again I spent 3 years in a relationship, but this one I broke off myself. I was really sick, I was in the hospital for 3 months, and in the end I just couldn't do it any more, and I tried to kill myself....
This gave my family a sort of wake up call, but it had it's prize...
After we broke it off and I moved out, we shared custody 50%. Our son spent 1 week with me, and 1 week at he's dad's. This went on for over 1 year.

During this all, I was seeing a psychologist and I had two social workers sort of who came to see me and talk to me at my home. I was on medication, I was up to my neck in debt and at times I couldn't get out of bed...
In this all, I played a game called WoW. This game has given me both good times and bad times...lol...
Well this first time I fell in love with an English man (for the first time ;) ). He was 3 years older then me, he was a pastry chef and he lived..I don't remember any more, I want to say Isle of White or something, it was along those lines, anyway... so I met this man, he was the best friend of my GM, best friend in RL...
We started talking, and friendship became something more... He told me he loved me and he wanted to come see me. And so he did, he came to see me, he stayed with me for 1 week. And it was really really good. I felt loved and I felt happy for the first time in a very long time... but happiness was about to turn into sadness...
He left for home, and I can still remember it quite clearly. I can still remember how sad I was, and how I cried. He kissed the top of my head, and he told me "I'll see you when I get home tonight."

That was the last time he ever spoke to me....

Four days later I woke to find a message on my skype... where he told me this wouldn't work etc...
I was heartbroken.
Not that I blame him... I was...a lot..of work.. I cried a lot etc...

But I got over that experience... and I told myself that ...fuck it...he was a coward and an asshole for not telling me anything. And slowly I moved on.
I re-rolled character to ally gnome warrior, and I started fresh on a new server. A few months later I was in a guild again with a lot of Danish people. And again I fell in love with someone on wow....
But this time, I was more withholding, I was taking things more slow.
I was *terrified* of a re occurring event. But he understood...or so he told me...
He came to see me, stayed here a week, and again I fell in love, but he did talk to me when he got home... there was a guild meeting occurring in Amsterdam that summer, and I went.
Not that it was a real guild meeting, turned out in the end that it was just me, my "bf" and he's best friend...
Apart from getting high, and drunk... it was the worst vocation I've ever had....
I've never felt so alone before in my entire life.... you see.... my "bf" couldn't do anything with only me, everywhere he's best friend had to be with us, 24/7... I felt more and more depressed and more and more alone... and when we came back to Copenhagen, because that's where they lived, I was suppose to stay 1 week with him there, but he threw me out...
Yes... he told me this wasn't working, he booked me the first plane ticket in the morning back home, and he shipped me off to the airport...
Again I felt used, lonely and broken....

After that I stopped playing wow for a while.. and I promised myself I would never fall in love over the internet again...ever....

But..that didn't go as planned. Once again I fell in love, but this time with a Norwegian. Someone from my own country, though not from my own city. He's the reason I'm living in the city I am atm...
Though we broke up now, it was 2 years of both good and bad...
I did love him, for a long time... he helped me out of my shell...he showed me that I wasn't useless...
He gave me a new start on life so to speak... but it didn't last...
We had our differences and this past year we weren't doing too good sadly.
I was still klinging on though...for months.... but in the end I had to do what was right for me and fair to him.
Even though he doesn't see it that way.

I guess when I fell in love while in a relationship with him, is when I realised that something was majorly wrong.
I've never done that before... I don't work like that... I can't *look* at other men when I'm in a happy relationship... seriously... I don't see *anyone* else then whom I love... and I've always been like that.
I'm told I'm a bit strange that way, but my brain just doesn't work like that...

So I fell in love with a wonderful, thoughtful, good man... and I love him very very much.
Nothing feels wrong...I want to tell the world, I want to not feel like I should be ashamed.
But sadly patients is not one of my virtues. And sometimes I get sad without even knowing why...
Sometimes things have a major impact on me, and I can't really explain how...

This is like *the* longest post ever written, but I just had so many swirl of thoughts... :S
I want to *Be* better then what I am... I want to understand better...and I want to *not* misunderstand so much and see the bad things instead of the good things that are really there...

So from now on I have decided that I'm going to try and be a better person.

Cleanliness is the road to ....wait what?

2010-01-08T16:00:00.002Z

That's right!! Today is the *big* *big* *big* day! Where I clean the house with my best friend...
Ofc atm I'm "slacking" a bit seeing as I'm now right here writing in this blog... but what the hell.. lawl...

It all started with the awaiting visit from our Landlady..
That's right...don't we all love that?
No not really..
Thing is..this particular Dragon, who's name should not be named for the sake of our housing, is a bit picky on how things look.. well ok *alot*...
I've actually never met her, but the first impression I'm getting from my other room mates here, are not that good..
I mean, the terrifying look on their faces when I spread the news of her "visit" spoke for itself. lol...
So now we've been really really "housewifeie", and no neither of us are married...yet... but ..'

Yvonne calls me to check out the "new" livingroom we have now..
wich ended up in a smoke break aswell... yey!

30min later...

I'm back!

And now the dog is driving the whole household nuts. lol... the poor chihuahua down stairs is trying to eat her food, but my "little" man here is more interested in sniffing her bum... I can understand her annoyance! lol
I have to remind myself next time we're on IKEA to buy one of those kiddie things to put at the stairs so he actually stays up here. lol.. some of her assistants are a bit scared of this cute clumsy pooch. :(

Look at this sweety baby face! How can anyone be scared of that ey? :)

And the land lady just called... apparently she's not coming today.. lol... but tomorrow or Sunday..

Oh well, atleast we got the house all ready, she asked me if I'd put over the monney, wich I had ofc, so she was happy. Only thing is I need to pay another 6k this month for rent...because she, in an evil way, but that's how "they" are here...she's not norwegian...so I'll leave it like that...

She wants me to pay "rent" from I *visited* here aswell, so she's charging me from December 28th until 15 Jan. And she wants 4k for that... and then the 15th she want's 6k.. so I put over 10k to her, that covers the deposit of 6k and her 4k for my "visit" here. And then now I'm applying for jobs, but I wont get payed until next month, so these two months are gonna be fucking sick..I'm going down to the unemployment office on monday, since I then got my contract from here, which I need to have with the application so they know for a fact I have that to pay.

And on top of that I have most likely *a lot* of bills this month.... sigh...

I don't know what to do, so I'll just have to wait until my X decides to drop off today with all my stuff and my mail, so that I can get an overview of what I have to pay this month in bills.

There's not *a lot* of them, but I've got one that's over 2k, which is child support, and then I have some others that are around 1k, because that's down-.payment on other bills that I have...

Oh well..

I just have to see....

And I miss my darling... :(

I haven't spoken to him at all today... he didn't tell me he had to go to the office, so I was worried sick all day, because I couldn't get a hold of him. :(

He finally contacted me a few hours ago telling me he left he's phone at home, was at the office, and that he couldn't talk, but would be home in not too long...

That was...3h ago... :( Still nothing...

I can't help it, but I do get a bit panicked, because last night I fucked up...truly... I said something I *really* shouldn't have said, not on purpose of-cause, but he took it ofc very very badly, and I felt like a fucking idiot. :( He had every right to get upset with me.... I still feel very bad about that.. I just hope he knows deep inside that I truly didn't mean to say it like that... I should have known he would have thought a completely different thing then what I meant. :`(

Tbh I was scared to death that he didn't want to talk to me because of it... but atleast I got he's message, so that made me worry less, but I'm still worried though... typical me.... *sigh*...

My X is bringing my stuff over tonight.. I poked him on MSN to try and find out when, but he wasn't sure when, but said he was going to call once he was on he's way here, which means 45min after he's called me, he should arrive...

Thank god... then I will finally have my stuff here, my pc table etc etc.. will be nice to actually get some stuff in this room. lol... atm it looks like a completely empty room apart from a soda case to have my laptop on, my bed, a table, a lamp, and the dog cage.. lol...

Looks a bit...empty... =P

Well that's it for now I think. lol...

I love you so very very much Stephen... please forgive me... :`(

Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

x x x x x

Me Spontanious? ofc not! x x

2010-01-05T19:25:00.000Z

Since I'm now "borrowing" my room mate's pc table, her mouse, and her chair, while she's blizzfully snoring and counting sheep in the next room, I thought I'd update you all a little, and let you know more insane stuff about me. :P

You know they say "live in the now, because you never know when you die!"?
I think I do live in the now. lol...
Today I just *suddenly* got this idea to get on a plane tomorrow and go to London..only problem turned out to be my love not able to house me on such short notice. lol
A bitch...but it's been a long time since I felt *that* exited about going somewhere. ;)
We got it fixed though! hehe...
I'm still going to London, and it's still going to be cheap, just not this week. hehe.
Will be in about two weeks I assume.
That way I can also get the dog sorted, not that I hadn't, just that this time my room mate doesn't go "WHAT?!" on me, but rather.."OK" hehe =P

What else is new? Well I logged on WoW today for the first time since I "left" for x-mas holiday, which turned out to be a new years eve holiday, AND to top the spoon with a little more drama... I aslo moved out from my X as you all know.
So now I logged in on wow... got a random hc to a nice place, one of the newer instances...but guess what?
You can only be so lucky..how many times? Twice ma by?
Anyhow, I got in, as healer (as if I ever get to dps in hcs... -,- ) and the tank SUCKS....
He then leaves..thank god... we get a new one...he SUCKS.... sigh...
I then made *three* valid points to that tank....
"sigh" I'm a bitch? I ended up getting kicked out of the group, I guess they didn't agree with me...

1. Tanking this instance with 32k hp is just not "ok"..it's an imbecile act...and you should be shot...
2. Going LoS on me, your healer, is a problem bigger then your ego.... (this is wow, that should speak for itself -,-)
3. Look into option 1-2 and contact me once you decide to not waste my time.

That's not so baaaaad is it?... I mean...come on... *blink blink*
So that cost me 45g, 35 mins AND...to make it even sweeter I ended up with bloody Occulus next time...
Where I *still* need two achievements...
Oh and Blizz decided to make Occulus *fun* again!!
First they nerf it... and now...they:

"To encourage players not to shy away from the many invigorating adventures to be had in The Oculus, we have applied a change to enhance the rewards players are provided when selected for this dungeon via the Random Heroic option in the Dungeon Finder. Once Ley-Guardian Eregos is defeated, one loot bag per character will be provided in his chest in addition to the current rewards. Each loot bag will offer players rare gems, two additional Emblems of Triumph, and a chance of being rewarded the Reins of the Blue Drake. These fine treasures could be yours should you honor your fellow party members by besting the challenges contained within The Oculus! Keep in mind, however, that these extra loot bags will only be awarded to each party member if Oculus is selected by the Dungeon Finder when players choose the Random Heroic option.

In light of this change, the Reins of the Azure Drake will now have a chance of dropping in both 10- and 25-player versions of The Eye of Eternity."

I was practically *bouncing*.... so I did Occulus... felt good... cleared it without much trouble...the chest comes.."drum roll........."....but what's this?!?! NO EXTRA LOOTZ?!
That's right... sigh... not implemented yet...
Can you say "lure mus"?

20th of January is gonna be a *good* day.. I can feel it... ;) xxx
I have..plans...as it were... ;)
Plans that will blow your mind away...quite literally..hehehhe

What happens then you ask? well... you'll just have to wait until the next "episode" ;)

Cheers

Happy NYE! Yeh it's over but I have piccies!! <3

2010-01-03T16:57:00.000Z

To those of you who I haven't screamed it to: HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR!!

Ok now that's over and done with, here's a few picces of our wonderful norwegian night of 2010!

Drinking is a must ofc..and no..neither of us were sober that night. =P xx

It was the BEST night in a very very long time!

Thank you for a wonderful night!! <3<3

Love is in the air...<3

2010-01-03T15:22:00.000Z

So..first post! amagwd! <3
There's lots and lots of stuffses to tell! *g*
Some are good and some are sad, but that's life. :)

Starting with the sad news...

I left my now Xbf on the 23rd of December. Or rather, we decided to take a break, and instead of celebrating xmas eve with he's family, I spent it with my best friend. :) <3
It was a sad time, but you can't be with someone just to be with them. It's not fair to the person, and it's not fair to oneself. So I decided to tell him and get it over with, since I had pretty much pushed him away little by little since summer, and it basically came to the point where I had to make a decision.
Not that he didn't help me with that, since he insisted on having this chat with me the day before xmas... :s
And the chat he got...
He then drove me off to my best friend and I've been here ever since.
We then decided that I'm moving in here. :) So what started as a temp. solution, has now become a permanent one. :)
Yesterday I got a little view into how he's doing.. and apparently he's not doing too great. :(
What makes me a bit sad though is that I don't feel that what I did was wrong...
It's a good thing, don't get me wrong, but you know that feeling you feel your suppose to feel when you break up with someone you spent a long time with? Whom you really *did* love and whom you thought was the one for you?
I'm sad because even though I care about him, I don't love him the way I used to, I don't love him like your suppose to love someone you want to spend your life with. So it makes me a bit sad to think that he's hurting so bad, and then I'm sitting here feeling sorry for him, but not regretting my decision.
Wich I truly don't. I know in my heart what I did was the right thing to do. Might not have been the best way, or the best timing, but I would have had to make my choice sooner or later, and instead of lying to him and make him believe we have a chance, I would rather just be completley honest.
Well... at least as honest as I can at this moment... there are secrets... secrets I can't tell him... not yet, because *that* I do think will destroy him. We spent 2,5 years together... I guess it has next to no meaning atm, but it used to have...
He goes on about how there's no one else for him, and how much he loves me still... but it's strange isn't it that when you do leave someone they seem to instantly figure out all the things they didn't do, and are in a hurry to make things right again...
But we've had our ups and downs too many times.. I know that I did the right thing, and that he will find someone else..he will.. just like I have...

I found someone...<3<3
And I love him very very much. People might question, hell even I might question whether or not it was the "right time" to fall in love, but when *is* the "right time"? How long are you suppose to wait after going out of a relationship before people will let you know it's "ok"?
I don't know, and tbh I don't give a flying fuck. You might call me a bad person for falling in love while I was technically not a free bird, but that doesn't matter. I fell in love.. I did'nt plan to! lol..hell I even told him that I wanted to spend my life with someone else..but... things just happened...
Things got worse in the personal life... I talked to my love, who was then pretty much my very best friend, hell I did'nt talk much to my bestest gf! lol.. all got through him...and I loved it.
I loved that I could speak to him about anything in the world... anything that bothered me... that he could make me feel better. Because he did and he still does. He's got the most soothing voice... I could listen to him all day just talking... well I do... lol...but you get my meaning.
And I fell head over heels in love... first with a voice...then with the person...he's personality...and later...with the man himself. <3
I love him so much it hurts, and I've never felt this sort of love before.
Never has anyone woken such emotions in me. Never have I felt the sort of literal gut wrenching pain as I did when he left me and went back to England.
But it's at the same time...a good pain... even though it hurts like hell, and I miss him so much I just want to bury myself in my covers and cry myself to sleep... I still feel that it's right..that we can do this even though we live far apart..and we're in a long distance relationship, I know that we can do this.
We have so much in common it's scary!
We want the same things..
The first goodbye is always the worst... after that it will get easier, it will always hurt... but.. it *will* get easier.
And in the end, we survive it and become stronger.
He gave me the best New years eve I've had in many years...
He gave me the best week I could have asked for...
I can't think of anything I could have asked for that I didn't get.
And I'm counting the days until we see each other again. <3

I love you more then anything in the world Stephen... <3 (apart from the obvious person ;) )

"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

~ Kahlil Gibran ~